I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
