she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
