it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
