That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
