farters have to be the big spoon...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
