Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
