just tell him i said nine months
i wish my penis had a tongue
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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