I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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