How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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