that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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