I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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