are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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