remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Panties = found
Randomize
