Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
