Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
