I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Drake has all the answers
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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