You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
