Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
