so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
