In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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