Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
