90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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