i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
