she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
