I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
