Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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