Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
