Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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