She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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