my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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