and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
