I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
false alarm, still single
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize