Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
