Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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