it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
