Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
