Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
