I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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