so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
