his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
