Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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