Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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