my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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