i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
