Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
