im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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