They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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