This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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