I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
