Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
