That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
