this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
