Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
