guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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