You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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