Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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