Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Two words: blizzard sex
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
