bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
