the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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