I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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