I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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