I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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