So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
