She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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