I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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