so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize