either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
