I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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