Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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