I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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