We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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